Life stories: 1989

 "Second souffle" (second wind)  [Previous ¦ Next]

I had buried myself in my entrepreneurship and neglected family life, so that when the firm went so did my marriage. My in-laws put as much money into launching that firm as I put into the house, so we forgave each others' loans, called it quits and had a free-and- clear divorce. This was not about personalities but about priorities: either my wife kept the horses and got a paying job to help with upkeep, or she maintain her thriving studio but not the horses; the answer was no to both so I exited left stage, and ended up with $50 to my name. No-one noticed that's about the same as what my parents started with as émigrés, but I noticed that at least I was settled in a country I loved. I suppose that not having had any kids in almost a decade was not insignificant. This break would however put me on the path to real growth, upon all that I learned so far in my variegated life. Reality is what you make it, so I started with forgiving in my heart all ills I perceived my parents to have begotten. I told them too, but if they were unable to hear me then, later events suggest that it had seated in deep recesses of their consciousness; I wrote about: people are good regardless of their behaviour in a recent poem.

I moved into the city core where I could walk to work across the river at all seasons, as well as shop or go to the specialty cinemas or folk clubs. I made or renewed friendships especially among men, reporters at the CBC and CKUA (Canadian radios), fellow entrepreneurs, and forged what would be a lifelong relationship with a fellow geologist also on the path to re-evaluation. Talk about favorable alignment of planets: I accompanied him to one of his early dates with his wife-to-be; and he came to the first date with my wife-to-be. I sought counseling, aware communities and a church, in brief rebuilt my life from scratch to avail myself of all that I had learned. I made mistakes, such as one woman actually a nymphomaniac, a new Jeep that did nothing for me, and new jobs that were not always a good fit. I did meet a woman at the folk club who would be a delightful lover and friend - her church would be a great support group as they were all refugees from mainstream religion, a congregation lead by a southern Baptist who moved north in search of spiritual truth - that would not survive however a job offer back in Europe, which I turned down after visiting them north of Paris (premonition served me well once more, as I saved myself an expensive move when they went bankrupt shortly after).

Having decided to stay put in Calgary, I met another woman at Hallowe'en upon her return from a round-the-world trip with he best college friend from England. We found on our second date that she had been my Block Watch captain and neighbour across the back alley in our previous marriages (and I actually knew her ex professionally... Calgary wasn't that big). Suffice it to say we married a year later and the rest is history. I joined her community derived from Re-evaluation Counseling (RC), which imploded in Calgary after taking on its leaders' distresses (as can happen with small groups). An extra dimension of kinship was that she grew up in England, was an oil-patch bride (after war brides who returned to America with soldiers after World War II), and also decided to remain in Calgary after her divorce. The fact that neither of us had kids previously not only helped us, but also heightened our awareness to clear up emotionally before embarking on the delightful but difficult adventure of parenting. We both had intermittent contracts so we often alternated our pay-cheques and learned how few toys one actually needed. Our record? An evening out with meals and cine-club tickets at $5 each totaling $20 (US and CDN dollars were about on par then...)!